Friday, July 28, 2006

Who Pissed on the Sandwiches?

I love the Mr. Buckingham theme song. It's a shame Chevy Chase passed away. So young, so much promise. Wait a minute....he's...he's...He's Alive???!!! Just kidding, I love ya Chevy (ya commie).One thing's for sure: Chevy Chase's fame lasted longer than any of Christie Brinkley's marriages. And, for the record,the Audrey in this picture was the hottest of all the Audrey's. OOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhh !
Oh, Cousin Eddie's my hero.

Can I Hold Your Balloons?

I don't know, something about Lorna Luft or Germany or love. Where did they get the WMDs? And I could swear she says "Cap'n Kirk" at one point.
The English version is abominable. I love you, Nena. Are you married? You are. Fuck you, then.

How to Dispose of an Alligator, Southern Style

The late, great Johnny Horton. Wow, what a production-with cannons, no less. The make-believe battle almost upstages the legendary balladeer, but he cheerily fights back. Unreal! Hey, was this recorded in heaven?

A Vagina with Teeth, or Audrey II

I wanna live here!!!
From the last great film musical (FUCK "CHICAGO")
I had a crush on Audrey. Now you know. And......whatever happened to Rick Moranis?

Real Women Play Accordions

She plays the accordion. She plays THE tarantella. B-E-L-L-I-S-I-M-A
Why don't I meet hot stuff like this?

The Reverend Slick

Can I get an amen!
Probably the coolest mofo to be a WWF wrestling manager.Well, besides Mr. Fuji. Soul flamboyance ne plus ultra. You always expected him to switch out a blade and pretty up a sucka, but he kept his composure and flashed that china. He walked with a cane and didn't need one, for cryin' out loud. Hey, Slick (for you squares: Mr. Kennith Johnson), wherever you are, we gotta get together soon. The fried chicken's on me, brother. Peace.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

What to Get for Your Birthday?

This. Or, for that matter, any day.
Caught this at the late Cineplex-Odeon TRIPLEX by the Garden State Plaza for my seventh birthday, still regarded as a red-letter day in my life.
Very under-rated and almost forgotten. Nevertheless, there's a cult for this incredible motion picture and I'm among its members. Dark in tone, but's kid pics aren't supposed to be totally inoffensive and sweet. Of course, it's inferior to "The Wizard of Oz," yet there's no comparison between this emerald and 3/4's of the feces being churned out for the kiddies today. The Gnome King is one of cinema's scariest villains; when this stop-motion mother arrived on the screen, I turned to stone.

The Man, The Hair, The Jacket, and...THE CONDUCTOR

Too much? Aw, baby, it's never enough!
Man, what a smooth lion.
That conductor's past Neptune, check it out. I bet even the sound of Barry White vomiting was enough to make yer toes curl. More rockets were launched and more gongs were banged to his music than any other tenor's. An inspiration to us all.
That reminds me: I gotta go buy condoms.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Next Name's Buck.

Hitler Bitler Bo Bitler Banana-fanna mo mitler, fee fi fo fit-ler...Hitler!

Suck My Lollipop and Sing!

Millie Small likes them big. Soooooooo cute, really.
Did she record this in the slammer? What's with the numbers below her name?

Give Tom Jones My Number!

I'm not gay.
I'd take him.
Is that a cross or a hood ornament? And what did he do to the song???

John Lennon Made Great Spaghetti

Happier times, before he met FUCKIN'YOKO! I also loved his anti-war schtick and his latter-day tunes, especially the funniest , "Imagine."

Can I Have a Cup of Butter, Please!

I'm so thirsty.

I Got Yer Meatballs Right Here, Wapner

What's with the slight Italian accent in the announcer's voice? He's just ready to sing "O Sole Mio." I Say, give Chef Boyardee the Chair and let the Hamburger Helper Hand pull the switch. Mama Mia! That's a nasty meat-a-ball!

The Education System of Sweden

Isn't this some sort of sexual harassment? Yes, MY SORT! Yes, it's ABBA, those lovable bubblegum campers from Scantily-Navia, land of little meatballs, fjords, philosophical inquiry, and stark black-and-white photography.

Shriek of the Mutilated!

So fake. Bigfoot's supposed to have huge-ass tires and leap over buses.
Oh, you mean THAT Bigfoot! Geez, he just went to buy some toilet paper for his bear-friends in the woods.
Still, the Patterson footage remains potent and eerie and-DUN,DUN,DUN-the real deal.
Ain't I funny?
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Monday, July 24, 2006

Shot-Gun Dinner! ("JEB!!!!")

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Wellllll, doggy!
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Finger-stuckin' goodness!

My Fingers Just Got Caught in Your Pretzel, Fraulein!

Miss Vivi Bach!
Watch her miss her song, on second 49. You just know she whips guys on the side-literally.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Sometimes "Tits" Is Not Enough!

Stop drooling and sink thy teeth in.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Two-Strip Technicolor Rain!

Why did we ever leave this color process? Check out the ol' Hollywood royalty. From "The Hollywood Revue of 1929."

Mrs. Miller, Eat Your Heart Out!

One more reason to quit smoking. I still loved her balls and her claws, though. Why does she appear to be on the verge of stripping here. Even when she lost it, Bette was convinced she still had it, no matter what the facts announced. You have to admire a dame who won't let her ceaselessly spreading wrinkles preclude the progress of her prowl. (No wonder she liked Madonna.) Here's proof. Is she hot to trot for Andy Williams, or what?
P.S. Joan was the better actress.
P.P.S. She was, you bitches!

He's My Superman!

Still livid over "Superman Returns." Everyone and their Aunt Tilly knows full well that the greatest superhero movies ever put into the can were "Superman" and "Superman II" (hopefully, the Donner cut will premiere this century). Goin' in the theater, fifteen dollars less, I knew "Superman Returns" wouldn't top those classics; however, yours truly expected the sequel/remake/whatever to be, at the very least, palatable. But like so much of the commercial swill being foisted upon the masses these days, it was all dressed up, nowhere to go. Phooey on today's superhero/superheroine/super team flicks (well, I did like "Batman Begins"), I'm lovin' the Turkish "Superman", entitled "Supermen Dönüyor." It may be awful but it still rules, copyright laws be damned. It's strange shit, no doubt. But if you're gonna make shit, make fun shit. This sweet oddity is so much warmer and more entertaining than most of today's slick, CGI-infested, dunderheaded event pictures. This was made for a sliver of a fraction of the new "Superman's" budget, yet it is chock full of campy, off-the-wall, "what da hell?" charm, even though I don't know what the fuck they're saying. Wheeeeeeee!

Let's Get this Fucking Show on the Road!

What a blasted orgy! The Sixties have come and gone, compadres, yet these outtakes-HOORAY!-have somehow made it for a new generation to discover. Worth the trip, if only to here Jack Benny proclaim, "You bet my sweet ass!" Were they on something, these folks. Seems so. And poor Goldie, whatever happened to her. Oh, right, AGE!
And anybody, just anybody wanted on this show, even Nixon for some reason. I wonder if ever knew most of the people on the show hated his commie-eating guts. Enjoy!